I guess I'm having twins:

I mean, I've seen the ultrasounds...I feel their body parts pounding me in the gut as I type, but seeing these matching newborn outfits - well, that's proof they'll be here in the flesh at some point!
TWINS.
Two children that will share everything...including clothing.
I get asked pretty regularly if I'm going to dress them alike.
Well, nope.
I have 2 boys already, and they've never had 2 of the same exact items of clothing.
So unless the hand-me-down clothes suddenly duplicate themselves, these boys will rarely ever match.
So what's the story with these?
Well, they're newborn sleepers. Cale was barely in newborn clothes, and M came home at 6 months old, so I have a very short supply of this tiny brand of clothing.
I decided to look online for some cheap newborn stuff.
So many lovely friends offered to send me their newborn clothes, and I won these in an ebay auction for $5 total!
The twins first matching outfits. :)

In the pic, Cale is pointing out which outfit is "Zachery's" and which is "Marshall's."
(Tim and I discussed the latter name as a strong option early on...but decided against it.)
But Cale still won't let go of the name Marshall....every time we ask him what the babies names are, he'll say "Zachery and Marshall" - I'm beginning to think he may have some issues with Thaddeus later in life..... ;)

Oh, and I think we've nailed down their full names.
See what you think about these:
Thaddeus Drew Nester
Zachery Kade Nester
'Drew' after the baby we lost...and 'Kade' because we had always planned to give our first girl the middle name Kate...and well, it's looking like that may not happen - so, Kade is after me. :)

random acts of kindness

Have I gotten bigger in the past week or so?
I mean...noticeably so?
Because today I can record 3 random acts of kindness from total strangers.
Maybe it's not just the belly...maybe they see me at McDonalds with my purse slung over one shoulder, a baby on the opposite hip, trying to balance the food tray, yelling for Cale to "grab your drink, the tray is too heavy!" while he shouts back "which one is mine?!"
A man stopped me mid-fluster, looked in my eyes and said, "Mam, would you like some help?"
It kinda took me by surprise. How kind of him to offer.
Before that I was at Walmart with the boys. Megersa was strapped in the cart, but Cale was loose...climbing the counter to make sure the cashier scanned his 'sparkle' toothpaste.
When I handed her the gift card for payment, she dropped it on my side of the counter. I looked down... (Bending over hasn't been a favorite movement of mine even before I was pregnant with twins.)
But, the man in line behind me quickly reached down at the same time I was, and offered to pick it up. (I was already inches from it, so I did end up grabbing it myself...but again...)
How nice!
And while in line at the restroom, holding Megersa's squirming hand and keeping a hawk eye on Cale (making sure he doesn't look between the cracks or under the stalls), the lady in front of me asked "do either of the boys have an emergency that can't wait?" I told her "for the moment, we were in line because Mommy had to go." She glanced at my belly and asked "Is it an emergency?" While I smiled and said I'd be fine, she stepped back guestering for me to walk ahead of her...just as two stalls were opening. She willingly offered me the handicaped one, which is almost a must with all I bring in. :)
Another wonderful person!!
Ironic that these little 'Good Samaritan' moments are happening now -
I've been filling out the twins' "Belly Book" religiously. There is so much to write down this pregnancy and I don't want my memory to fail me later on...
Anyway, I've had to skip the section of the book where it wants me to write "the first time a random stranger gave up their seat or a spot in line for you - or another act of kindness with regards to your belly." Well, nothing like that had happened.
To the contrary actually - I was ready to write down the time that a women literally pushed her cart into my backside while I was loading groceries and trying to keep an eye on my kids (making me topple forward on to my cart) because she was trying to get in line ahead of me....
But today, I can fill out that page with a positive note.
Today was a nice day.
I appreciate you, random strangers.
And whether it's because you take pity on me; you find it amusing to watch me maneuver tasks with a big belly and 2 children in tow; or simply because it's Christmas time.....today you warmed my heart and your acts will forever be recorded in Thad & Zac's Belly Book.

15 month check.

Megersa had his 15 month check-up yesterday.

Tim took him while I did some last minute Christmas shopping with Cale.

It's getting harder and harder on my belly to be carrying Megersa around, and when it snows like it did yesterday, there is no option for him to be walking. Plus, all that gear adds another 5lbs to his weight, I swear! :)

Tim said he did well with most things.

For whatever reason he hates people touching his nose and he sensitive about his mouth. So when it came time for the doc to look down his throat, Tim mentioned that the doc had to resort to prying his mouth open with her hands while Tim held his arms down.

Sounds like fun... ;)

Daddy said he was more upset about laying down on the table then the actual shots, but after it was over and the lady left, Megersa said "Byeeeeeeee!"

I guess he survived. :)

So, the stats:

weight: 21 lbs, 12 oz - apparently this is in the 10th percentile. In his last check he was in the 25th, so the doc expected more weight gain... I dont know...he eats more than Cale will sometimes. I think his growth is in his legs. In the 9 months he's been home with us, he's moved from a size 3-6 month clothing to 18 months. The waist of 12 months (and even some 9 months) still fit perfectly, but his skinny little legs are LONG!

height: 31, 3/4inches - 75th percentile.

Less-words Wednesday

In the car watching the Animated Christmas Light Show at Adventure Park.

We LOVE light shows!! As a girl, every year we would snuggle up and drive the LONG 30-45 minutes ;) to see the "Berwick Lights" - OH, how I loved them! Each year around the holidays when we're visiting, I mention going to see them, but apparently my parents don't have the fond memories I do of them, and we always end up not going. BOO!

Well, for the past 2 years, I've been searching for places with Light Shows. Not only does Mommy love them, but Cale does too! He TOTALLY appreciates them as much as I do. There are a few clips on YouTube of different lighted houses and he has watched them countless times. The real thing is much better!

The show at Adventure Park was $25...but for us - FREE! A friend of ours gave us a coupon for a free visit. Thank you, Jill! If we didn't have that, we may not have gone, because while it was really cool...it wasn't worth $25. The other animated light show we went to was just at someone's house. The house is decorated to the max and play thier "show" every 20 minutes starting at 6pm, running till 11pm. It was really awesome and of course, the boys loved it!
I'm hoping to be able to find a few others before the Christmas season ends...

lost in thought.

Did I tell you that each twin has his own side?

They've "stayed" to their own side for what seems like a month (according to all of my doctor's visits), so the u/s tech said they will most likely remain on their own side now that they're bigger. She said they can still somersault and change their head-up/head-down position, but not for much longer.

Thad is on my LEFT.

Zac is on my RIGHT.

According to my "pregnancy ticker" babies in the womb at 21 weeks are establishing sleep patterns.

Well...I can tell.

And my twins have different ones many of the times.

Their kicks are pronounced on their "side" so I know who it is and if their up.

Sometimes they both are awake and I feel movement and kicking up high and down low, but for the most part, they take 'turns.'

Tonight, they were both awake.

Here's the scene:

I'm at home with my big boys...it's 7:30p and they've been bathed and have had their snack. We are all in Megersa's room for story time. Both boys are sitting on my lap leaning up against their brothers and though I feel squished, I'm enjoying the closeness (and the warmth! - our heater broke and our house temperature dropped to 58 degrees today! It's currently climbing it's way back up - 5 hours after fixing the thermostat, we're at 67 degrees)....

ANYWAY, for those 15 minutes, not only was I reading for my two big boys, but the babies were awake too....kicking away.

Though I kept reading, my thoughts strayed to where I'd be at in a few months...a year.

How will I be able to hold all 4 on my lap? :) They'll have to take turns.

I feel so blessed tonight. (Maybe it's the chilly temperature that's got my heart pounding in overdrive to keep me warm ;)...But I thank God that he took that moment out of my long day to show me how lucky I am.

an important question.

Tim spent half an hour putting Cale to bed tonight.

Each night we try our best to share Jesus with him and we think Cale is getting it.

He is ever-so-smart and asks good questions, so we hope and pray salvation is close by!

We seriously can't wait to celebrate this occasion.

Thinking that tonight might be that night...Tim asked Cale, "Buddy, are you ready to ask Jesus into your heart?"

Long pause. Cale was clearly thinking... (My husband held his breath in anticipation.)

Then he spoke:

"Daddy, is Jesus peach...or is he brown?"

:) hahahaha!!!

No conversion tonight, but definitely some tears of laughter.

LOVE that kid!

lost.

I lose things.
It's beginning to be more of a problem.
Generally, it doesn't really irk me...I know that within time I'll find the item, and to be honest, if I don't NEED the thing right away, I usually don't really hunt for it.
Sure, I'll look in the spots I thought I had it last, but no major spring cleaning just to recover it....
On occasion, the thing that I lose, never is found...but more often than not, it shows up. And let me tell you; when I FIND the item, it's so exciting! (Especially when I'm not looking for it!!)
I've "misplaced" my wedding ring more times than I can count. This lost item offends Tim most...and rightly so, but I dont do it on purpose...it's directly related to my putting on lotion. I take off my rings, put them down and then apparently, sometimes forget to put them back on. My rings have shown up in the sheets, under the bed, in our old church's nursery (that time I actually didn't know they were gone, but when our bulliten announced that wedding rings had been found, I knew they had to be mine. I looked down, and my finger was naked).
The longest time they've been missing was a few weeks, showing up later in my bathrobe pocket.
I lost a $100 bill once. That was pretty upsetting. I think I did hunt for it for quite awhile, but eventually gave up and forgot about it. About a year later I found it and THAT was a happy day!
What else?
electrical equiptment: like remotes, chargers, cameras, my cell phone...
Yeah, it enough to drive the person I married bonkers.

At this present date and time I am responsible for the loss of one mini DVD player remote, and my mini laptop cord.
The latter is starting to annoy me. I want to upload pictures from my camera, and I can't without the cord to the computer. That computer once served many purposes as my home computer (in IL), but now it sits here...basically as a photo album.
I need the cord to keep the battery life going.
What makes it more annoying is that my blackberry camera phone isn't working.
So, I'm unable to share pictures right now! Highly. Annoying.

Today I looked for it. I usually keep the cord in the little red satin bag that the computer came. Usually when I'm done with that laptop I fold it up, put it back in the bag with it's tiny mouse and power cord...fully ready to be stored away until the next time I want to upload pictures.
That time has come, and the cord is no where to be seen. I've searched through all the bookshelves (I have a tendency to stick cords in the cubby holes)...but nothing.
It's not on the kitchen table where Tim keeps his laptop and cords...
It's not where I used it last and it's not in my bedroom where sometimes I like to take things.
It's lost.
And I'm annoyed. (Did I mention that?) :)

whoa!

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy.html

The above is an AWESOMELY POWERFUL blog post.
Please read. I feel the same way she does. :)

need a good laugh?

This video clip was sent to me last night.
I watched it about 5 times already and each time I laugh harder.
Honestly, watch it and tell me if you don't tear up laughing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE&feature=player_embedded


Now, add in the fact that I'll have two more and one was born in Africa...and I can only imagine what kind of video clip my family could inspire! :)

attempt: fail.

Good golly, it's kinda embarresing to say that Tim and I have not yet re-adopted Megersa here in Maryland. Time flies, and though the intention was there...it has not happened.
Until today. The attempt...not the actual thing.
See, we have talked about "going to the courthouse on _____..." so many times, but it just didn't happen.
Things would get hectic and the phrase "Lets just go another day..." would be said.
((We procrastinate. I know.))
ANYWAY...Today I was determined.
Because Tim's day off is Monday, that is normally our day to schedule doctors appointments or visits that require everyone to be there (professional pictures...tours of preschools, whatever it is). But, because of these two little fellas growing in my belly...Mondays are often taken up by my doctors appointments.
Sure, at this point it's only 2 Mondays a month (one visit for the regular OB and another for the high-risk OB), but come a few more weeks, both will want to see me every 2 weeks, then every 1 week. That's 2 doctors visits a week for just me! Plus, MOPS is on Monday.
So the "open" days to get things accomplish are dwindling signficantly.
Thursdays morning though, can work....provided we are ambitious.
Tim has worship practice at 7pm on Thursday night. So instead of going to work from 9-5 then leaving again at 6:30, he stays home until just after lunch, then comes home around 10pm.
Kind of a weird schedule, but my mind has adjusted to Thursday evenings alone with the boys. Leftovers, sometimes grocery shopping, and always...bath night.

Back to today...I got up, dressed myself and the boys...gave them breakfast...coerced Tim into the shower, and we packed into the car.
I had the address (for our GPS) and M's ET birth certificate, passport, and offical documents.
Per other friend's experiences, I fully intended to ask the court for readoption papers, fill them out, wait for a judge to break free and sign our papers, and then skidaddle on out.
I even entertained the thought of celebrating this feat by going out to lunch afterwards...
NOPE.
Aftering figuring out which line we were suppose to stand in, I waited my turn, then asked for the papers. The teller handed me a folder and said "This is only a guideline. In Maryland, you must complete your paperwork at home, retyping these documents yourself as a petition to readopt. Send in your original documents as well as copies with a request that you want the originals back. Make the $135 check payable to us, and mail it in with the rest. You will get your originals back at the court hearing." My brain was trying to comprehend what she was saying, but I was still a little baffled that we weren't gonna be able to do anything there. (On a day we were ambitious!!)
I had dressed the boys cutely, prepared for a picture! Gosh!!
I asked her to repeat herself as I wrote down what I could understand.
This is the first page of the packet: Tim was in the foyer playing with Cale, so I tried to relay her instructions as best I could, and then we left.
SO....nothing truly was accomplished today....it's just a story I thought I'd share.
Because we tried, and because it is annoying that it still hasn't happened. ;)
But, hopefully in another Thursdays time we'll have sent this paperwork back. :)

newbies.

I. Love. Christmas. Ornaments.
I mean, sure...Christmas is my favorite time of year, so it's natural that I would love ornaments. But seriously, they're just so pretty. Each family's Christmas tree seems to tell a story!
We have 2.
Cale has his own in his room, filled with lots of "special" ornaments...dried playdoh star masterpieces, tiny glitter balls courtesy of Target's dollar spot, handprint turkeys...and several "stolen" ornaments from Mommy's tree (that I don't "need"). :)
Then, we have our lovely 7 foot family (Mommy's tree) in the living room. We've had this for 2 or 3 years now.
When Tim and I first got married, we purchased a teeny little "Charlie Brown" tree, complete with 'pine' that shed all over the floor and about 20 sparse branches that would droop whenever an ornament of even the lightest weight would be draped upon it. But, it was our first tree, and it told a story.
A story of wealth...or the lack therof.
And here's the song I "wrote" about it in 2004:

"Oh Christmas tree, our Nester tree...
Thy leaves are poor, like we are...
How lovely though - thy popcorn string, the twinkle lights, your color green...
Oh Christmas tree, our Nester tree...
Thy leaves are poor, like we are."

((Nice, right?? :))
Anyway, that first Christmas, my mom bought us a bunch of ornaments to help furnish said tree. I think I still have most, if not all of them.
Well, after several years, and a generous gift card to Menards, we decided to move on to bigger and better things. We "bit the bullet" and bought a beautiful fake tree that I very much like. This tree is heavy, and takes quite awhile to assemble...but it has lots of strong branches.
Problem is...now the ornaments look sparse.
As a tradition growing up, my mom got one new ornament each year and labeled it with the date. She also got an ornament with a small picture frame in it, and filled it with a picture of my brother, sister and I. Every 5th year, she got 3 of the picture ones, with our pictures individually taken.


Though I'm not as strict in the picture frame ornament department, I do hope to get more and more pics of the kids on the tree.
For now though, the object is bulk. We just need MORE!!
So, this year, I've decided I would splurge a little and get several new ornaments appropriate to 2010. ((Obviously, my favorite ones are personalized. :))

Mommy's pregnant belly ornament:

Gingerbread Nesters:The fellas - Cale, Megersa, Thaddeus, Zachery:

where were we?

6 years ago right now...Tim and I were at a hotel celebrating our wedding night!
WAHOO!! ;)
Our wedding was nothing spectacular. Our budget was $4500, and we managed to save $1000 of it, so you can imagine that it wasn't the lux wedding that some had. We had about 88 guests, and got married in a small church. The reception place was certainly not extravagent or anything to really write home about...but the food was good. Our cake was from Walmart's bakery, the bridesmaids dresses were from JCPenny and I wore my mother's dress...but it worked.
To be honest, I never grew up wanting to plan a wedding. Maybe because I was a tomboy...or because I was terrified to be in front of a crowd saying...anything.........
But seriously, I had no fairtale expectations, or colorful dreams about the day I'd say "I do."
When it came down to actually planning the day, I thought it would have been awesome to go away and get married. Somewhere fun, and sunny! Bring a few close family members or friends that would have wanted to come...and then came back for a party with everyone else we love!
That didn't happen.
Turns out, mothers and mothers-in-law HAVE had dreams and colorful visions of when their children get married, and feel they know best.
I kinda wish I didn't give in to them, but oh well.
It was a wonderful day - Kathryn Joan Dudick officially became Kathryn Joan Nester!
And truthfully, we couldn't have asked for better weather at the end of November. My bridesmaids and I were outside getting pictures taken in sleeveless dresses, and we didn't have to shiver once!
The wedding was at 11am, and we drove away from our reception at 4pm.

Seems like a long time ago...I wish I were the blogger I am now. It would have been great to have every detail written clearly so even if it did fade in the memory (as it is), I'd be able to relive it again each year.
Things sure have changed in 6 years. :)
2 kids upstairs asleep, and 2 in the oven.

In high school I dated a few guys... It's actually kinda scary to look back at my "relationships" and think that I could even call them that. When I observe teenagers now, I think they look like children, but are trying to act like adults in the love department.
My boys will wait until college to date...I'm sure of it. :)
Before going to college I prayed and asked God to help me find the man he would have for me. And I swore that the first guy I dated seriously (meaning more than going to dinner or a movie) would be the guy I would marry.
In May 2002, Tim and I started dating, and 4 months later started discussing when we would get married. I remember Tim's mom being alarmed that we were so serious so quickly (and I ended up getting a "sex talk" as a result)...but it seemed very natural to us.
There was never a question in my mind that Tim wasn't the one. I think I can speak for him too about me (since he had been desperately chasing me our entire freshmen year). :)
On December 27, 2003 we got engaged.
On November 27, 2004 we got married.

God's blessings are awesome.
Here we are...with 2 wonderful boys, and 2 more on the way...
Tim has a job that he loves, and I'm able to stay at home with my children like I always wanted.
We now live closer to family and have been given wonderful friends wherever we've lived.

So, as I sit here with my tiny babies kicking me, I have nothing else to do but smile.
I'm 19 weeks into this pregnancy and I'm feeling good.
Belly is BIG...but hey, Thad and Zac are 10 1/2 inches, and 10 1/2 oz!! :)
I hope the next 16-17 weeks fly by...because it doesn't seem possible that the boys can continue to grow for another 4 months while allowing me room to breathe, but I guess it's been done before.
On the other hand...are we ready to multiply our children by 100% in just 4 months?
The thought is as frightening as it is exciting. ;)

I wonder where we'll be in another 6 years...

What do you think?

...do blondes have more fun?
I don't necessarily think so.
But I do like having some blonde in my hair.
Not all the time, of course...but as it turns out, I have embraced highlighted hair several times throughout the last 10 years or so of my life.

I can remember the first time -
I must have been 16. I was not at home. My childhood best friend Sterling has grandparents that own a bed and breakfast. OH! What fun we had spending time in the different rooms...the "bird" room, the "lace" room, the "blue" room. Honestly, what kind of kid doesn't want to have a sleepover in a mansion?! It was the most awesome place with an East and West wing! Each room had it's own bathroom and television! We'd have privacy, our fair share of free chocolate hersheys nuggets (with, or without almonds), and every morning would be welcomed to join the other guests to a steak and eggs breakfast! Yum!
I can't seem to recall which room we were in on that particular night, but it was one of the larger ones with a gigantic king-sized bed where my sister Elizabeth, and my friends Gencina, Sterling and I slept.
For whatever reason, that night we decided we wanted to put highlights in our hair. Probably because Sterling's grandparents did not really supervise us the way parents do. ;)
We bought 1 box of do-it-yourself highlights and shared it among the 3 of us (Gencina gave in to her mother's threats).
The kit we purchased was the kind of highlights that you "apply" with one of those specialized 'brushes' they put in the box.
I know NOW (after having gone to beauty school) this is NOT a good method of highlighting.
I think my sister only did a streak or two...carefully following the directions as any first-born big sister would do.
Sterling and I did a bit more.
We also didn't followed the step-by-step directions for application.
What you should do, (if you still feel compelled to lighten your hair this way) is take the piece of hair you want lightened...separate it from the rest of your hair...scoop a small amount of product on the comb, and gently apply it from top to bottom.
What you should NOT do - is scoop an extra large amount of lightener on the brush and rake it through your hair...starting from your bangs to the back of your scalp.
This will give you one giant skunk streak down the middle of your head and you will not achieve the look you desire.
Naturally, I did the second.
My mom was not pleased.
She was mad enough that I dyed my hair. I was told that I should "be happy with the hair God gave me." Ironically, she's the one who gets her hair highlighted every month to "cover the grays."
Of course, "that's different." ;)
Sure, it is.
Anyway...fast forward many many years, with a degree in cosmetology and my wits about me, I
have yet to mess my hair up quite that bad. I've had my share of extra shorty-short bangs and perms that didn't take (but yanked my hair from the roots)...but nothing I couldn't hide.
I'm actually not really a daredevil with my hair.
Odd that I went to beauty school, I know...but the knowledge that allows me to be able to change my hair on a wim, also gives me the knowledge of what happens to hair that is overworked and overprocessed.
One day in beauty school a girl came over from the "advanced" side...to the side where I was being taught as a "basic" and busted out crying to our teacher. After she calmed down, she pulled down the towel that was covering her hair...and we all gasped in horror to see a head full of light gray hair that was hinted with lavendar!! I have seen green hair, and hair that has fallen out in clumps.
So while I appreciate the cutting edge hairstyles...I happen to think "bald" is not a look I ever want to sport. ;)

But pregnancy tends to change my outlook a bit. I mean, my body is changing...at a drastic rate, and for WHATEVER reason my nose gets bigger (or at least I think it does)...so I feel like I need something different. Something to draw people's attention away from my ever-growing belly and my tired eyes.
When I was pregnant with Cale I got over 12 inches cut off. My hair was way down my back. Only one other girl and I had long long hair, and we took turns rolling each others hair in curlers, big and small.
Here's my hair about the time I pregnant with Cale:
But, about 1/2 through my second trimester, I had it chopped and cropped to give it the "stacked" look.
And here I am, pregnant with Cale...shorter hair with a bigger nose. :)Was I nervous? No. And I didn't cry (as I know so many who do with that kind of length cut off). I always think about my hair for about a week to make sure I'm ready before I actually do something to my hair. I was ready.
But since I had gone almost the entire year of beauty school without allowing anyone to change my long locks, everyone was stopped dead in their tracks, surrounding me as I sat in the chair for my appearance change. It was pretty fun.
Well...I'm in my second trimester again....and my nose is looking quite a bit bigger in pictures, so I changed things up.
I love highlights, but I hate when the roots come in...so I have taken my skills to hide some blonde under the brown so as not to showcase the brown roots when they come in.
Voila!I know the blonde isn't that obvious, but when I pull it back, you can see it alot more. Plus, I'm totally digging the look, and I know that over the next few months I'll be adding more to it, so I didn't want to start too strong. (See what I mean about my nose?)

Oh! And as an added bonus that day, I found one of my many missing earrings. This one was particularly awesome for me, because I got those earrings in Ethiopia, and I lost them the first week I was back! (I've worn them every day since. ;)

events to date.

Today is November 13, 2010.
#1. 8 months ago I stepped off the plane with Megersa!

#2. I am 17 weeks pregnant...my uterus is measuring 21 weeks...so I like to think I'm 1/2 way there!! :) ~Most twin pregnancies are delivered at 35 weeks.

Twin A: (as evidenced by the first u/s pic...he is very proud of his manhood. :) Twin B: (a little more shy...bending his knees, but still...a boy :)#3. Our 6 year anniversary is 2 weeks away! ((And if this picture doesn't explain it enough...we are getting ready to leave our wedding reception. Wahoo!! :))

But no...nothing special is planned this year; but since we'll be in PA visiting family for Thanksgiving, maybe we'll get some free babysitting! :)
Exciting stuff, right? I think so!

boy, oh boy...

...oh boy, oh boy!!
Have you guessed?

We're having TWIN BOYS!!

Fewf! That was a hard secret to keep - and I didn't even keep it from everyone!

I'm no good with hiding news, but I wanted to wait to make the announcement until our ultrasound at 16 weeks.

12 weeks IS early to make the prediction, so I thought I'd wait until 16 weeks.

So...there ya go!

2 more boys.

Add it up - that's 4 boys!!

I gotta say, with the 2 I have (plus my husband), I feel like I'm grocery shopping all. the. time.

I can't imagine feeding 4 teenage boys!

Are you dying to know how I feel about it?

Most people are...at least the ones that I've told early on.

To be honest, initially I was a little bit upset. Not upset at my babies or the fact that they are boys, but I did have a little bit of hope at least one was a girl.

But that quickly passed...because honestly, if I were to have all of one gender...I'd MUCH prefer all boys.

I can totally see myself with teenage sons who think they're mom is "the coolest."

(And, I guess I am!) :) haha.

I'm pretty sure we'll adopt a little girl (down the road of course!)...if God provides!

One name is nailed down (strictly because I won't budge on it)...and the other is kinda being tossed around.

For whatever reason, I'm really anxious to finalize his name in our minds, so I can start "talking" to them/about them. It's the main reason we find out what we're having. I bond really easily to names and the child becomes the name, so I'm super excited about the one I've picked!

So, baby A - who is anterior (meaning in the front of my belly) is named. We'll call him T for now, since I wanna wait until we have the second name and share them both together.

baby B - posterior (toward my back) is awaiting his father's choice.

an ocean of thoughts.

Does anyone else feel like there is a special love that is reserved for when your kids are napping? I mean, I love my boys all the time...but when they're BOTH napping - at the same time....it's bliss. I often find myself close to tears as I thank God for them, the fact that they're sleeping, and for few hours I'll be able to get things accomplished.
OR nap myself.
This has been the choice for the past few weeks. I'd blame it solely on the two people I'm growing, but they shouldn't have to take ALL the blame...their Mommy is a night-owl.
I've certainly toned it down since having kids.
Before Cale, Tim and I would be up until 1 or 2am playing games or watching tv and I'd sleep until 11am.
(I can't myself think on it too long or else I'll start to yearn.... ;)
As it is, I would LIKE to say that I try to get in bed by 10:30p. To have this accomplished I need to start getting ready at 10p...which rarely happens. For awhile, I had my phone alarm set to 10p and continue to ring every 10 minutes to produce guilt. I gave up on that because it rarely worked.
However, mentally the goal is still lights out by 10:30p, but it rarely happens.
For goodness sakes, Project Runway doesn't finish recording until 10:30!! :)
So...with my late nights and my body working overtime, after lunch, I choose to join the boys in taking a nap.
Napping. OH, how I love napping!
I love my pillows, I love my comforter, I love rainy days that make everything dark...I love everything about naptime...so long as I can fall asleep. This generally takes me a good 20-30 minutes, but if I hit the pillow shortly after the boys go down, I have ample time to let my mind wander my forest of thoughts until all is dark.
With today being especially rainy, and the boys sound asleep within minutes, you'd THINK right now I'd be napping...but as I allowed my thoughts to ebb and crash (in the hopes of putting me to sleep), I found my mind wanted to stay awake.
The flow of thoughts went something like this:
"I love my bed...I love when the boys are sleeping...I wonder how much longer I'll be able to get a nap out of Cale when the twins come...Am I really gonna be 16 weeks on Saturday?...I'll only have 20 weeks left!...20 weeks - that's about 5 months...Cale will almost be 4...I can't believe how grown up he is...How old will Megersa be when the twins come home?...How long has he been with us?...It feels like a year already...but we brought him home in March...hey! I think our first "referral anniversary" is coming up...when was it?...November 5th?...What is today, the 4th?...WHOA!...Tomorrow will be one year since we got his referral...Man, he's changed!...so last year at this time, we were preparing to bring home Nester #4, and this year we're preparing for Nesters #5,6!...I wonder if the ultrasound was right...I guess we'll find out Monday...then we can finalize names...but I'm still gonna think of them (obsessively)..."T" and ??...How can I persuade Tim to pick the other one I like best?...Holy Cow, I'm hungry!...I could go for some homemade soup...we have leftover ham...I could make Farmhouse Chowder...I bet we need more ingredients though, I'll have to run to the store....when is Tim getting home?...what time is it?...I guess my mind or belly have decided I'm not gonna get any extra sleep today...I should get up...I should blog about this...it IS funny...and I am funny...yesterday my sister told me that I am." :)

Treats!

Halloween talk started early this fall...

I regularly get the Parents and Parenting magazines, so I get a healthy dose of creative things you can do for or with your child. Of course the October issue (which comes out in Sept) was full of make-it-yourself Halloween treats, games and costumes.

Being the thrifty mom I am, when these issues came I opened directly to the costumes.

On Cale's first halloween 2007 he had his choice of costumes:

A pumpkin (borrowed from cousin Julian):

A penguin (purchased and given to him from a church friend) A dragon (from Nana)
In 2008, we must have skipped Halloween. I was actually wondering what Megersa would be wearing next year from Cale's hand-me-downs, and I could not find any costumes, or pictures of him that halloween. I guess it didn't happen. Oh well. MJ will get something new next year!

In 2009, he had 2 costumes (both purchased VERY cheaply at a consignment shop):

Buzz Lightyear - he wore on the actual day

Spiderman:

Megersa had a choice of hand-me-downs from Cale.

But for Cale in 2010, we had bubkiss.

Sure, we put on Spiderman from last year, and it DID still fit...though it was a little too snug for him to wear anything with warmth underneath it...so that was out.
Cale saw me looking through the magazine and asked why the kids looked like they did. I explained halloween and we strolled down memory lane from years past.

I asked him what he wanted to be this year. He didn't understand the question, but we continued to peruse the magazine articles. When I got to the page of the child dressed up as the giant donut; Cale was interested.

"I want to be a donut."

Ooookay! And I checked out the how-to portion (which didn't seem to difficult). Get an old inflatable swimming ring and paint it brown, then pink or white for the icing and glue construction paper peices on for sprinkles. Easy enough...

I bought the paint, and we had glue and construction paper.

I went downstairs and got a small tube and the air pump. As I continued to fill it with air, I started noticing how BIG the tube was in comparision to Cale's torso.

The costume is suppose to look like this:

But the kid in this picture is older, and if Cale wore the tube we had, he wouldn't be able to use his hands or walk up the many steps in our townhouse neighborhood.

Scratch (I thought.)

Not Cale. He was insistant on the donut.

When Grammie sent out my brother (Uncle Chet)'s old costumes - A KING! He wouldn't go for it. He told Grammie "no, I'm gonna be a donut." She spoke to him several times after that with the same question. I think she really wanted to see him in the costume she made over 20 years ago...

To make a long story short...I GENTLY convinced him that being a King would be awesome and that when people say "what are you?" he could say "I'm King Cale!"

I held my breath on Halloween day. I didn't have the donut costume.

((2 days before Halloween I did go to our local craft store in with the intention of buying some fabric to sew together a donut costume that it would sit on his middle, but A.C. Moore doesn't sell fabric.))

Trick or Treating started at 6:30p here. I layed out the boys costumes. Megersa happily complied with his pumpkin costume (and even left the hat on all night). I told Cale it was time to get dressed so we could get CANDY!!!

He wasn't so sure...BUT...when the kids started ringing our doorbell and he saw them walking away with candy (technically we passed out fruit snacks) he was sold. He couldn't get dressed fast enough.
Oh how I love that kid!

He wore his crown (from Burger King ;) the entire night. I thought it'd be cute to replace the Burger King label with his name. Someone thought he was suppose to be "old king cole." :)

He and I went out alone while Tim and Megersa stayed home to pass out candy.

Cale held my hand the entire time. He told me he "had to hold my hand because he didn't want to lose me." There really were a lot of kids around. The teens are not as polite as you'd think with candy afoot!

We went to so many houses and got so much stuff that we took a detour back home to dump our loot, take a potty break, and then reload!

By the end of the night he had a bucketfull of goodies and didn't say one thing about the donut.

Good day for all involved:

Mommy didn't have to spend extra money. Grammie gets to see her handmade costume recycled, and Cale gets the candy.

Win-win-win. :)

It surely was a highlight for him. He's talked about "when we went trick-or-treating" soooo many times since! Too bad it's only once a year!

apples.

15 weeks today!

According to babycenter a baby at 15 weeks gestation is the size of an apple.

So, I have 2 apples, and all the casing that surrounds it. I wonder if people with idental twins don't get as big... :)

And at 4 weeks they started off the size of poppy seeds. That's alot of growing to do in 3 1/2 months!! (It's that tiny black speck in the middle of my hand.)
Mixed feelings...it seems like I've known forever (we found out when I was 3 weeks pregnant), but there is SO much more to go! I look down at my belly and wonder how much bigger I'll be in another 21 weeks...21 weeks (that's soooooo far away!!)).

I have to remind myself daily that I'm having TWINS and that this is my 3rd pregnancy, so I was bound to "pop" way before I did with Cale...but it's still a little hard to take. Before finding out there was 2, I told myself that I wouldn't gain as much weight with this pregnancy as I did with Cale (between 35-40lbs)....BUT...what can I do?
Not much.

This is a test of faith, for sure.

God wants me to remain close. Allowing me to struggle with infertility took the power out of my hands. But, when I found out I was pregnant, I thought I felt a little power return...until the ultrasound tech said "it's two!" I'm learning my lesson...

God is in control.

He will help me through the ups and downs.

It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. Not only am I still barfing, but I still can't fully think to the exciting part of twins. My thoughts flicker back and forth, but the stars aren't shining yet.

I keep thinking...

How will I be able to tell them apart?

Nurse them?

Provide for them?

Get them on a schedule?

Keep my sanity?

Take care of my other 2?

(Insert "God is in Control" theme music here.)

But I have a wonderful husband, and a good friend that remind me "this is a blessing!" And yes, I can loose the weight after they come. It'll all work out right? :)

So, to that end I'm gonna go against my embarressment and post pictures of my ever-growing belly.

Please remember that I admitted I am NOT the tiny pregnant belly mom you see around. (Also, I'm in my jammies).

And generally I dont like bare belly pictures, but it had to be done:

This is me 6 months pregnant with Cale. Looks AWEFULLY similar to where I am now...in my 4th month. *sigh* ;)

oh the thinks you can think...

How do kids think of stuff? What makes one idea good (like going pee-pee the minute you have to, instead of holding it until you're gonna explode)...and others bad??

I guess I'll never know...

After grocery shopping with these two cuties:

I found myself on the phone with their father. I was explaining to him in some detail how the trip went with MJ's first "car" shopping trip and Cale's having to share the space....
As I briefly glanced away from the groceries I was loading in the trunk; I noticed a little boy with dandelion puff hair who had his face plastered to our car....
I honestly never thought this would come out of my mouth, but sure enough; mid sentence to whatever detail I was describing, I found myself yelling "Stop licking the car!!"
And here is his mugshot:

challenge accepted.

Trying to put a good spin on nausea and vomiting is near impossible.
However, joking about the upsetting nature of this stage of pregnancy is a challenge that apparently, Cale is willing to take.

Tim and I were just commenting on how grown up Cale sounds these days. I swear he thinks on a level that is much more comprehensive than any 3-year-old I know! But maybe we're bias. :)

Seriously though...where he comes up with these thoughts about pregnancy, I can't imagine.

This morning on the way to church Cale asked me (as he does at least 10 times throughout the day) "So...how was your day, Mommy?"
I'm sure he expected the normal response he gets from me, and Tim, and everyone else he asks "my day is/was good" - but because it was early morning, and all I had experienced between 8 and 9am was stressfully dressing and feeding two boys, vomiting, showering, wiping butts, changing dirty diapers and wrestling kids into their car seats, I said "my day was stinky" then told him why.
"Mommy threw up and she doesn't feel good."
Apparently this distressed him. (as most talk of puke does...in fact, every time he sees me brushing my teeth he asks me if I just threw up - "Why are you brushing your teeth? Did you fro up, Mommy?")
He told me in a slightly accusing way that if I threw up again, I'd throw up the babies and then they'd go down the drain. (Honestly, I'm not sure if he is secretly hoping for this...or because he is concerned for the babies...)
But either way I reassured him that the babies can't come out when Mommy throws up.
He pondered this statement for awhile...took it as fact, and then drew his own conclusion:
"Oh...they hold on."

Isn't he a riot?!?!?!

Drew.

Oct 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarness Day.

I didn't really even know such a day existed.

Of course when I found out, I blogged out a very moving peice of my memory that was really hard to get through and found myself breaking down in the middle of it...but at least I got it out.
That is, until the autosave failed and all was lost.

I'm determined, however, to try and blog it out again - hopefully remembering the tidbids of information that I did yesterday.

So here goes:

As I said, I didn't know such a day existed. It honors families who've lost children in the womb or after birth...and I think because of that - it's important that I share about my second pregnancy. Details of this pregnancy have already slipped from my mind over the past 2 years, and I'd hate for it to slide away completely before I got a chance to "log" it away.

After Cale turned one, Tim and I started discussing when we might be ready to have another baby. The decision didn't take long, and I was shocked to find out that after only one month of "trying" we got pregnant. I honestly didn't believe the double pink line initially, but couldn't contain my excitement. I think I took a test every day for 2 weeks, making sure nothing changed! We told our parents and close friends and started mentally preparing for baby #2.

Initially I wouldn't say I thought anything was wrong, but as time slowly progressed, I got that terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that there might be. Our first ultrasound showed that the baby was measuring 1 week behind. I can remember my doctor telling me they were moving my due date from February 27th to March 9th.

I recall being very upset by this. First of all, who wants to be pregnant longer than they initally thought? And I didn't want to have to wait even 10 more days to see our baby! But mainly, I had my heart set on a February birth. Sounds a little silly, maybe, but I dont know many others with February birthdays and that seemed special.

We did, however, get to see that beautiful, tiny miracle flicker-of-a-heartbeat, and it moved me to tears. I shrugged off the week and a half extra gestation. It'll be fine.

Not shortly after that, one Sunday morning, I found myself choking back tears while our Pastor spoke on pregnancy, infant, or child loss. Pamphlets were handed out with words one could say to someone who was grieving the loss of a child. That was hard to read.

As I always say, I like to pretend the world is full of marshmallows and nothing bad ever happens...so I tried to apply this message as how I could reach out to mothers who were hurting - but a tiny little tug on my heart was telling me that I would experience this kind of loss.

Telling someone close to you of your fears is a hard thing. The reactions usually fall along the lines of:

1. Someone who doesn't want to indulge your fears by playing into your scarred "fantasy" - they dismiss the topic and your concern. "You're being silly."

2. Someone who is so realistic that they take your fear as fact...and will describe to you in detail how they actually experienced the thing you are worried about (and how horrible it was)- generally playing against the emotions involved.

3. Someone who listens, hopes, prays, but speaks honestly about a realistic possiblity.

I spoke with versions of all three people.

At the end of July, Tim, Cale and I flew to Bethany Beach, Delaware to watch Cale experience the beach for the first time.

While there I started spotting.

Panicked, I called the doctor and I was told to take it easy, but that it is common in early pregnancy to have light bleeding. "Keep an eye out, and call us if anything changes."

On July 31st, my 24th birthday, my cousins and I drove down to the Rehobeth Beach boardwalk to do some shopping and get ice cream.

Not long after we got there and started walking around, I started feeling bad. Really bad. My head was swirling; I was hot inside and out, and I was sick to my stomach.

I felt guilty for ruining the day, but pleaded with the others to go home. After getting back to the beach house, I fell asleep for 3 hours. We flew home August 2nd, and I was feeling better.

The same day we got back I went to the hospital to visit a friend who had just given birth to her first son.

After I got home; it started.

I ran to the bathroom crying, then yelled for Tim.

After calling my doctor and explaining what I was seeing and experiencing, she matter-of-factly told me that "it sounds like you are having a miscarriage." This doctor isn't a cold person, but it felt hopeless to know that she could make that call - just by hearing what I was saying and not even seeing me.

We called our Pastor and explained what was happening. They agreed to watch Cale while we went to the ER. I had been crying so much I wore I hat that I pulled WAY over my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at anyone in the face...but Joni still spoke with me, prayed with me and hugged me. She knew what was happening....just like I did.

I can't remember the wait, but I remember what they asked me when we were checking in at the ER. What seems to be the problem (or something of that nature)?

The words stuck in my throat. Who wants to admit the shame, fear and nature of miscarriage?

We didn't spend much time in the larger waiting room that I can remember. I feel as though we were taken to a smaller waiting room where I was instructed to drink tons and tons of water in preparation for an ultrasound.

After my bladder was about to burst they finally called my name and I was wheeled into an elevator that took us up to the ultrasound room. It didn't take more than a minute for me to see the thing that I would have to wait another hour to have confirmed.

The baby had no heartbeat.

"There's your baby." she said to me.

But there's no heartbeat, I stated and accused.

Obviously she was not allowed to give me any sort of confirmation on that, and that was upsetting to me. I understood it legally, but still...I was in agony and she wasn't even acknowledging it!

Back in our smaller waiting room the movie Ratatoullie played from beginning to end. I mainly stared at the door waiting for the doc to come in.

When he did, it was easy to tell on his face he saw what I saw.

He was very sympathetic and said that his wife had had 4 miscarriages without explanation...but like I had seen....our baby had no heartbeat. The explanation for a miscarriage is basically non-existent sometimes and that was really upsetting for me to hear.

I think most women would be prone to blaming themselves...at least for a little while. I know I certainly did....

Head still swirling, the doc spoke with me about my options: I could have a D&C or wait and pass the baby naturally. Both seemed wrong, but I definitely didn't want to see anything, so I opted for the D&C.

I assumed I would be wheeled back in surgery that night, but doc said that because it was so late (around 10pm), they would have to get an anestheologist on call and a surgeon who performs those procedures. He suggested I waited until Monday morning.

Not that I had much of a choice, we agreed.

It was Saturday night and Monday seemed like a long way away.

Could I pass the baby in the meantime? I asked.

He said it was possible. But I hoped it wouldn't happen.

It did.

Ironically this particular Sunday at church was the day Tim was going to announce we were expecting again. ((With your husband being a pastor, you get extra recognition.))

Instead however, our senior pastor announced I had a miscarriage.

Thankfully, I was at home.

After Tim came home and Cale woke up from his nap we decided to go grocery shopping at Aldi. Being prepared for the inevitable 'passing' was harder than I thought...especially at a store.

*This may seem a bit graffic, so stop now if you'd like.*

The bleeding started in one of the aisles. I could tell what was happening, but it was no slow start. I tried to run, but I felt if I moved to quickly, I'd need a change of clothes.

Using my "just-in-case" feminine products only lasted for a few minutes and they were quickly rendered useless as soon they were put into place.

Thank goodness for Cale's diapers...

The doctor instructed us to call if the bleeding was severe...and it was.

At home I couldn't get out of the bathroom...I couldn't control it, but I insisted on taking a shower because there was a good chance I was gonna have to stay overnight at the hospital and I hadn't gotten a shower yet that day. Tim kept yelling "your doctor said they have the OR waiting for you and to leave RIGHT NOW!"

He waited anyway...

Not to be grosse, but the bathroom was like a crime scene. I had never (or ever want to again) experience that kind of blood loss.

Our Pastor's wife showed up with a pillow and blanket in hand: prepared for an overnight stay (with Cale)...and I was gently walked to the car.

Arriving at the hospital this time was different than the day before. The doctor had already called in and let the staff know that I was to have an emergency D&C. I was immediately taken to the back rooms and an IV was started. With so much blood loss and that dang girl who couldn't get the IV in my vein, caused me to pass out.

I woke up in the recovery room.

Things had gone "smoothly." I was told that I was free-to-go when I felt enough strength to dress and eat a little something.

Walking out was harder than I thought...not just physically because I was weak, but because I had walked in with a baby in my belly, and I was walking out as a non-pregnant person with a slightly bloated belly.

And that was it. It was over.

Those two days happened so quickly it was extremely hard to process everything. Throughout the next few days and weeks I got sympathy cards and encouraging words...and I can tell you this - SO many women have suffered loss like this. It's not until you experience it yourself that you know, because people don't talk about it. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. It's true.

Healing took time and I thank God so much that he gave me peace.
Ever read Phillipians 4:7? "The peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I understood that verse much better after my experience with Drew.

During the healing process I was encouraged to name our baby. Sure, we talked about names, but didn't have one picked out with it being so early...but I knew a name we both liked. At 10 weeks we had no way of knowing the gender of the baby, so I chose a name that could go either way.

Maybe it seems weird I didn't really include Tim in this, but he was moved and in total agreement after I called him one morning and told him I named our baby Drew.

It's been 2 years and 2 1/2 months since it happened.

When I think of this child, it still saddens me, but I KNOW I have an awesome treasure waiting for me in heaven.

So, in honor of him/her, one of the twins will have Drew as a middle name.

"Cole"

Megersa is slowly but surely adding to his vocabulary.

Here are some new words he's not only verbalized, but understood their meaning:

bubble!

No! (with the emphasis on the ooooooo part. :)

nigh-nigh. (still waiting for the 't' sound to appear)

and Cole.

The Cole word actually took me awhile. I kinda thought he was saying "cool" because sometimes it sounds like that, but it didn't make sense. Why would he pick up a word we dont really use around here?

Generally for a 'job well done' or affirmation we say "that's awesome!" or "good job buddy!" or "I love it!" - I mean, I guess that we probably slip a "cool" in now and again, but not usually.

THEN, the other day, I put up a barricade to keep the boys out of the kitchen while I made them lunch. Cale easily got past it, but Megersa was right on his heels attempting it too. Looking a little bit frustrated, he started yelling "Cole, Cole!"

It clicked (to me anyhow).

I looked at Cale and said "He's talking to you, buddy! He's saying your name!"

Of course, Cale was like "My name's not Cole...I'm CALE!"

Clearly he doesn't appreciate that Megersa has made a huge effort to learn his name...and I guess the "ale" sound is harder than "ole" for him.

But I think it's great! I know Cale will probably start to respond when Megersa gets it right, but for now, he just ignores or corrects him.

Brothers...

limes

I get regular updates from pregnancy websites I subscribed to.
It's funny...with Cale I had sooooo many books on pregnancy, and read probably all of them in those first few months even, but with this child...wait, these CHILDREN, I haven't cracked a book.

Partly because I dont have them anymore (I lent them to a pregnant friend just before moving)...and partly because most of the books only have a tiny portion about multiples.

The plan is to purchase something with regards to multiples - at least before they get here, with regards to scheduling, nursing, sleeping, etc. But I haven't yet.

Anyway...these said 'updates' I get from babycenter.com and the like say that a 12 week old baby is the size of a lime. (Even websites appeal to a singleton...go figure.)

So...I guess I have 2 limes, and everything that goes with them.

Cale asked me the other day what the babies are doing "in there" - so I told him, "oh, just swimming around."

"There's water in your belly?!"

Yes, and a lot.

He thought that was pretty cool.

Funny how most measurements of a fetal baby's size are compared to some sort of food. A poppy seed, a grain of rice, a grape, a lime.....

Maybe they figure most women have food on the brain.

In other news....

I KNOW WHAT WE'RE HAVING!!

Yep...I know it's pretty early to already have that knowledge, but on Monday I had an appointment with my High Risk OB (aka Perinatal doc) and both the Ultrasound Tech and the Doctor had the same opinion.

The u/s tech said she "wouldn't bet her paycheck on it" because it was still early, but that was certainly her guess.

I have another appointment at about 16 weeks and she said they could give us a more firm answer then.

Interestingly enough, as soon as I got home, I began to research gender prediction at such an early state, and it basically has to do with the "angle of the dangle." No, seriously...in more than one article those specific words were chosen. Pretty scientific, huh? :)

It's kinda fun having this secret.

I usually can't hang on to a secret to save my life. As it is, we've told our parents and I've told one close friend, but that's it. Everyone else is in the black!

Ha ha!

I know it's so silly for me to do this cuz I always want to know what everyone else is having.

So, soon enough, we'll make the announcement.

Until then though...care to venture a guess? :)

a bottomless pit.

Am I talking about my 40 lb, 3 1/2 year old?
No.
Am I talking about the baby who still prefers not to feed himself, but sometimes will eat more than he weighs?
No.

I AM talking about the person who is still registering the fact that she's pregnant with twins.
STILL registering?
I know. It's taking me quite a bit of time!
You'd think the vomiting would tip me off....or my ever growing belly...or the fact that I'm ALWAYS hungry.
I mean all. day. long. The hunger makes me feel helpless. My stomach feels like a boiling cauldron. My brain registers the hunger when the pot is simmering...so I have precious little time to put something in it. If I wait too long, the pot boils angrily and whatever I end up throwing in it, comes back up.
It's terrible!! AHHHH!!!!!!
And for someone who would normally be able to wake up and wait to eat until I've fed my kids, showered, and had a time to relax without a growling pain in my stomach...or could walk out of the house without a snack and water bottle in her purse...this is hard.

I have recently been talking about my stomach like it's a separate entity from me. I feel like it is. I've caught myself talking (and yelling) at it too. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!" Tim is starting to understand what I mean when I tell him my stomach is angry with me.

Maybe you're thinking, "So, you get to eat all the time...that's fun! I'd love an excuse to do that!"
Nope.
I mean, yeah, maybe it'd be fun if there was something I was interested in eating. Something...anything!! Most days I just run through the 'food diary' in my head and think briefly on a food item before my stomach tells me 'yes' or 'no..no...NO!!' ((I'm telling you - it has a mind of it's own!!!))
I do have to admit that I'm in a better spot now than I was a few weeks ago, so I have to be thankful for that. And I am. I had some dark days there for awhile...
In comparision, the nausea/vomiting is equivalent to when I was pregnant with Cale (though I'm on MUCH more medicine than I was with him, so with that, it ends up leveling out)...but I cannot even tell you how much different the hunger is this time. I don't recall this problem at all the first time around.
I guess I really am eating for 3.
And apparently, each tiny baby has a better relationship with my stomach, because they can get it angry on a 2 hour rotation, while my attempts to calm it down are being ignored! :)
It's a game of survival at this point.
I pray and thank God every night that I got through another day.
And I thank God for my husband. Even though he can't truly understand what I'm going through, he empathizes so much - especially when I'm vomiting.
He hates all things related to vomit and will let me loaf around or hibernate until I'm ready to resurface upon life.
He has been a rock.
I'm sure some day I'll look back on this post and laugh...and to ensure the laughter later on, I'm gonna post a few pics of Cale and I attempting to calm the beast.
HE loves snacking with me all day long. I'm sure he'll be upset months from now when I can eat like a regular person again...
But anyway, here we are, making, and eating Puppy Chow:Glamorous, ain't I? :)