T & S...part 3

Alright, we're gonna try and plow through Monday thru Thursday (the day I went home).

Most of the days seemed to follow a similar pattern.

I was woken up by some sort of nurse or nurse aid requesting to take my blood pressure, give me medicine or check my insicion.

After that I'd attempt to roll myself out of bed and get washed up for the day. Showering without an IV was easier than with, but I still wasn't totally steady on my feet.

To describe the pain of standing up after having a c-section is kinda difficult (unless you've experienced it - then you know EXACTLY what I mean). A friend of mine called it "lightning pains." YES. It feels like lightning...so sharp and sudden that it burns. When in a comfortable position (as much as you could get), then changing position it feels like you're trying to stretch a spring to the breaking point...like if you go any further you might snap!

It's delightful. ;)

Anyway...after getting dressed, I'd strap myself in my "girdle" (belly band that specifically helps c-section moms) and make my way down to the NICU...which happened to be around the corner from my room. I'd marvel over how beautiful my babies were, as I made small talk with my nurses. That first week of their life they spent as much time in their isolettes as possible. It was explained to me as a calorie count. The nurses tried to do as little as possible to the babies with regards to burning calories. Every calorie saved was great, so holding the babies was short those first few days. I'd return around lunch time (often missing out on the food actually being warm), and then try to rest until later. Tim got to the hospital as much as he could with help from whoever would give it.

Since the babies were naked in their isolettes, when we did take them out, we'd do skin-to-skin. Their little bodies........warm, soft, fragile, tiny...and restricted. SO many attachments!

Even now with a few less items, I long to be able to pick up my babies and walk around with them without a monitor "telling" on me.

There's something about that kind of warmth that comes from a newborn. It's like having a little hot water bottle covered in blankets to hold. I love it. And TWO? Well, I honestly go home feeling cold without them.

Okay, so gosh...I can't seem to remember when they got their IVs out. Or when they were moved to open cribs. My mind is mush.

Well, lets just say that when they got their IVs out, they were able to be dressed...and once they were dressed, that was about the time they were being moved to open cribs because they were able to maintain their body temperature better. I'd like to go out on a limb and say it happened within their first week or so of life.

It's amazingly hard to think that they are already 2 weeks and 3 days old, but have yet to be moved more than 3 feet from their monitors, or come home...or meet Megersa!! (The NICU is strict about children...they are suppose to be 4 years old, though we've brought Cale in 3 times for short visits since his birthday is so close.)

The day I left the hospital was a hard day. I was happy to be able to go home and see Tim, Cale & Megersa on a regular basis and to be able to sleep in my own bed, but totally unhappy to be leaving my babies there. It's unnatural, wouldn't you say? Who gives birth to children and leaves them? I cried on the way home...partly from the physical pain I was in, but mostly because of the emotional pain.

I'm pretty sure I've cried every day since...but that's for another post... ;)

Every day since I've been able to get over to the hospital for several hours...watching my babies grow in bits in peices of scheduled time. I'm not there enough. But I'm not home enough. Someone asked me what it's like to have 4 kids. I can't say I can answer that person correctly. Because for the time being, I feel like I have 2 and 2. Yes, I'm aware that it adds up to four, but I have yet to experience all my boys in the same setting, so it doesn't feel like I have 4.

I cannot say enough wonderful things about Tim during this part of our lives.

He seems to understand exactly how I'm feeling. He allows me to choose the amount of time I spend, and where I need to spend it. He's been letting me sleep in, and picking up the enormous slack I've been leaving behind when I leave. He's been a solid rock.

He hasn't complained once. On the contrary, he's been constantly postive and encouraging.

I'm falling in love all over again...if only we had the time to date again. ;)

So, the days since my homecoming have looked relatively the same. Spending the morning/early afternoon at the NICU, coming home, playing with the boys, dinner, bedtime, and back to the NICU. It's extremely hard being spread so thin....

But, before I turn on the water works again, I'll stop and just post pictures of my babies:

Shepherd dressed in clothes for the first time!

Baby Thaddeus dressed in clothes! The babies reunited with some skin-to-skin contact with Mommy.OPEN CRIBS!! (easy-access to our babes!)